View Full Version : Frustration with parents
I am an 18 year old boy and have a few issues with my parents. They dont like to listen to my opinions and think very less of me. all i think they are doing is putting me down. a few days ago, they asked me what i wnated to do after school and i said i haven't yet decided. they advised Medicine but i said it was too hard and i didn't like it. as a response they said i was stupid and no good and get nowhere. this happens all the time and they think I'am disrespecting when I disagree with them or just keep quite, but all Iam doing is just keeping my frustrations in and i cant handle it any more
Posted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 5:53 pm
18-12-06, 02:10 PM
hang in there sis
everyones parents can a little be funny
be patient ay
Posted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 12:56 pm
By: Hadhood - Newbie
Joined: 20 Aug 2004
18-12-06, 09:39 PM
First of all I would like to say to have your parents say your stupid is not really a nice thing and I can understand that this must have hurt you.
It is also not nice for them not to support you, however they are still your parents and want only what is best for you. It might not seem that way now but inshallah in the future you will see that everything that have pushed you towards was for you to better yourself.
Remember that no matter what happens we as muslims need to respect our parents.
Allah (swt) tells us in the Quran:
"Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or more attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say, "my Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy, even as they cherished me in childhood." (Quran 17: 23,24)
"We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth." (46:15)
I ask that you remain patient with your parents and try sitting down with them and talking to them. Open up the bonds of communication so that your feelings and theirs are brought out into the open. Explain to them that you are not yet sure on what you want to do and that Inshallah Allah (swt) will guide you to something that is halal and that you would enjoy and benefit from.
Also explain that when they call you names it puts you down and that it hurts you.
Parents often tend to say things out on the heat of the moment and sometimes just say things without thinking of the effect it may have. This is wrong and most times the parents dont mean what they say.
Inshallah this has helped.
May Allah grant you patience Ameen
Parents most often role model their parents.
When they belittle you it is because they know not love and understanding.
They act out of fear and guilt. Where their is fear and guilt, there is not love.
Where thoughts are sponsored by love their cannot be fear!
You are not expected to put up with innapropriate behaviour even from your parents. Such behaviour will eventaully convince you that you are less than who you realy are, a lovable and loving human being.
Do not give meaning to any form of verbal attack. They act out of ignorance and not love, for love is unconditional, without expectations and especially without attachment. Meaning we can let go whilst still loving!
02-01-07, 03:50 PM
What can I say my brother, you'll just have to be patient.
I mean, there you have it and they're your parents, what are you going to do and what can you do?
This is your test right now until something else comes up in your life and you must persevere.
This can be your challenge, you patience tester, your patience builder. You can learn so much from this experience about what you should be doing - being polite, respectful and patient and what you shouldn't be doing - which is the worst of your parents.
If you see that your parents are wrong - do the right thing otherwise you'll be as blameworthy as they are. If they are rude, be polite. If they are abusive, you be gentle. If they hurt you, be good to them.
Yes, it won't be a walk in the park and it will burn you inside, but that's what you have to do.
What if they don't like it when you're being good? Ignor it because that's being extreme. So you're trying to do the right thing and they still think you're wrong? Give me a break.
It'll be hard but if you succeed you will have so much people skills, you will gain so much experience in handling people, you will be such a good judge of character in sha Allah that you'll thank them for it.
Most likely the relationship is a roller coaster ride - one minute it's up and then it crashes. Up and down until you get so frustrated you don't know when it's up and when it's down. In these cases, when it's up you don't feel it anymore because you're anticipating the down, the crash, the histeria, the rudeness and disrespect.
You have to be innovative in the way you handle it. You have to be wise and smart to keep things as steady as you can. Don't intimidate them, don't get on their nerves, don't ask for it and always try to keep out of trouble.
I know it won't work but at least it'll save you a few times. They will still complain and blame you for things and the disrespect won't go away but you'll have to get used to it.
You know them by now, you know what they're like so you'll just have to live with it and not expect anything better. When you do get the occasional blessing - alhamdulillah but the rest of the time you're receiving what you've already expected and planned for.
Try and keep the relationship steady as long as you can and always tell them the things they want to hear.
Why do you have to put up with it? Because they're your parents. The Messenger said in a Hadith that you must be dutiful to your parents - even if they oppress you, even if they oppress you, even if they oppress you. The Messenger knows oh so well what parents can get up to and the pain they can cause their children - he saw it with his own eyes how parents would torture and inflict pain on their children for believing in him.
So there is nothing new in your circumstances as far as Allah and his Messenger are concerned. Even if your parents were non Muslims, you still owe them duty unless it involves denouncing Islam - this applies to Muslim parents too.
Besides, when you think of it, it comes down to two people in this world that you have to please to get the pleasure of Allah. So pleasing two humans is between me and Jannah? All I have to do is impress and please two human beings? Cheering!
Also, think of this: one person has parents who are beautiful, ideal parents, the perfect mother and father and the child is so dutiful to them. On the day of judgement this child will receive so much rewards.
On the other hand, there was a child who had parents who were such a pain in the backside he wanted to end his life. Somehow, he still managed to be dutiful to them... Can you imagine the reward? He'll be saying good bye pretty boy and he would receive multiple of the rewards of the previous child.
Allah recognizes the struggles we go through and the paid we suffer for his sake - otherwise, whats the point? Did we think that the pain and struggle we put for Allah just goes down the drain? The best pain is the one that no one sees, thats the sincere pain that Allah rewards for the most.
I know it's easier said than done but like hadhood said, we all have our episodes with our parents every once in a while...
By the way, you be dutiful to your parents against all odds today and by the One who raised the heavens without pillars your children will be dutiful to you too - I gurantee it my friend.
As the Islamic saying goes: kama tadinu tudan.
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