Men can have 4 wives, women can't have 4 husbands, why?

[AbdulQader]

A non-Muslim asks u:

"In Islam, Men can have 4 wives, women can't have 4 husbands, why?"

How would u respond?

Remember, ur not a scholar, u may have some knowledge about this issue (maybe what scholars have said) but at the end of the day, imagine urself in a situation where very unexpectedly someone confronts u with this question. How would u respond? at this instant u wouldnt have internet access, u dont have a sheikh on speed dial.... its just u and the questioner...

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:as:

This is a really good question and I am really looking forward to seeing the replies... cause alhumdulillah I have not yet ever been asked this question, so I await a lesson Inshallah.

However the only thing that comes to mind that I would be able to answer is in line with parental issues... if a woman has more than one husband it would be hard to tell who the father of the kid is.. where as with one man and 4 wives there would be no despute over who the daddy is. :oops:

:wa:

[Ehsan]

My response would be something like this (in note form because i cant be bothered typing it all) - dont give the answer "how come you can have as many gfs as you want".

Thank you for asking your question about my religion.

- Explain pre-islamic arabia, how women were traded, swapped thrown away and how women were considered a shame. they were buried in the sand ALIVE. Fact.
- Women had no say nor any rights
- Chapter 4 - women are given MORE than just rights. they were outlined the status - extremely high, honoured, respected, air of dignity and PRIVACY. Shes not subjected to the same things as a man.
- read 4:34 - man has the responsibility over the women for their custodial care, finance etc and protection. = one is better at that or exceed the other in these things - the man.
- it doesnt forbid her to get a job. She doesnt have to spend her earnings on the man or family or to any childrends funds or utilities or anything. its hers. Your money is her money!
(normally when people learn about the beauty of islam at this point theyre like ok forget the rest cos they realise "whats hers is hers, and whats mine is hers!")
- the sex addiction is a sickness in our society its not how relationships of a couple are formed. Woman can leave.
- if a woman wants to divorce , she can go to the imam and lay the case out and if its legitimate its finished. no iddah period. But for the man there is, he has a far longer process and has to care for her even during the iddah period.
- people married dogs, literally. - prophecy of Muhammad (SAW) whereby people will be lower than animals.
- the ones who attack us in such a way, i feel sorry for their own society. Woman killed her husband today, kids kill the mother and father, the father kills the kids im just waiting for the dog to kill everyone.
- Think about this: Can a man marry a woman if she has a husband?
The children wouldnt get their rights because it would implicate the inheritance system.
- Just imagine your husband (if its a female) think about how it is to wake him up, how he sits around on the couch and stuff - she responds yeah whatever - i ask her would you like 4 of him? shes like NOOoo O_O
- A man is the one who is limited - he can only choose from unmarried women in the community. a woman can choose from ANY man in the community as long as he doesnt have 4 wives.
- She can check his behaviour with other wives and think hmm no na uh dont like that guy beforehand.
- She can check what houses hes given them and get the same.
- The Quran says marry only one. Most muslims in Indonesia, Egypt, Saudi have 1 wife. Islam provides something which humans cant provide i.e. Gods understanding not humans.
- If Allah gives an order, it doesnt matter whether you understand it or not you still do it.its an order a test. Why do we pray 5 times? Why do we never eat pork? Why did iblees make postration? These are tests, orders.

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:as:

Oh can I add one thing...

the womans "______" desire is not the same as a man :oops:

:wa:

[Muslim..Priincess]

LOL! dat' ^

i would reply by saying that during in that time, ppl would marry without limit & it was getting out of hand. So islam made a limit of four.

[™Repenter™]

These days its sad to see that the woman wants to imitate the men. Authubillah.

[Muslim..Priincess]

These days its sad to see that the woman wants to imitate the men. Authubillah.


what exactly do you mean by imitatiion... :help:

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These days its sad to see that the woman wants to imitate the men. Authubillah.


what exactly do you mean by imitatiion... :help:

I was going to ask the same thing.. In regards to this subject I doubt that any woman would want 4 husbands. :?

[™Repenter™]

Sisters you will be truly amazed what actually happens to our muslim sisters. and im also talking about non muslims as well. there desires want more husbands and some fall into the trap of adultery. Astagfriullah. May Allah protect our muslim sisters from any imitation of men and keep them chaste .

[AbdulQader]

:as:

if a woman has more than one husband it would be hard to tell who the father of the kid is.. where as with one man and 4 wives there would be no despute over who the daddy is. :oops:

:wa:

But then dont we have DNA tests these days? and arent DNA tests able to identify who the father is?


the womans "______" desire is not the same as a man

So are men permitted to get married to 4 women, as a means of fulfulling their desires?


Just as a side note, im just trying to provide u with comments u may be faced with upon giving such responses, so what would u say from there? (this is not specific to Sister Unpredictable, anyone feel free to respond)



- Explain pre-islamic arabia, how women were traded, swapped thrown away and how women were considered a shame. they were buried in the sand ALIVE. Fact.
- Women had no say nor any rights
- Chapter 4 - women are given MORE than just rights. they were outlined the status - extremely high, honoured, respected, air of dignity and PRIVACY. Shes not subjected to the same things as a man.
- read 4:34 - man has the responsibility over the women for their custodial care, finance etc and protection. = one is better at that or exceed the other in these things - the man.
- it doesnt forbid her to get a job. She doesnt have to spend her earnings on the man or family or to any childrends funds or utilities or anything. its hers. Your money is her money!
(normally when people learn about the beauty of Islam at this point theyre like ok forget the rest cos they realise "whats hers is hers, and whats mine is hers!")

This seems like a very good way of going about answering the question.

The point to realise is that this question would normally be asked due to the misconception that Islam treats its women as second class citizens. So explaining the rights Muslim women have may clear this misconception up and hence not even require a direct response to the question.

U could even ask what the intention of the questioner was for asking this question, before even giving a response.


The Quran says marry only one. Most muslims in Indonesia, Egypt, Saudi have 1 wife. Islam provides something which humans cant provide i.e. Gods understanding not humans.

Do u mean for men or women?

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:as:

:as:


But then dont we have DNA tests these days? and arent DNA tests able to identify who the father is?

:yikes: ermmm i guess so.. :help: Honestly how do u answer that ? My first response was going to be but when the Quran came down there wasnt any DNA tests... but then thoughts of what the replies could be made me stop...

The replies that came to mind that could have been asked ...

so the Quran is outdated?...
didnt Allah know that DNA testing was possible ?
the Quran isnt for all times then is it ?

hmmmmm


So are men permitted to get married to 4 women, as a means of fulfulling their desires?

If it prevents adultery and zina then why not ? If a man is unable to curb his desire with just one woman and finds himself looking with intent on adultery & zina then his best option would be yes to take another wife.

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Ehsan..


The Quran says marry only one.

ermm have u taken that ayah out of context ?...

Doesnt the Quran say ( will look for exact verse later) "marry two, three, or four, but if you cant deal justly with them then marry only one"...

it still says marry only but isnt that in the condition whereby u know u cant deal justly with em ?

:wa:

[™Repenter™]

:as:

Also i think if a man marrys 4 wifes or even 2 i think one will be jealous of the other, and especially in these times.

[Muslim..Priincess]

zina then his best option would be yes to take another wife.

but...that would hurt his other wife...deeply. especially if she loved hiim....& it would cause problems in the house, not only physically but emotionally..( ..you know, jealousy..etc)
i'm pretty sure no woman wants her husband to take on a second wife for the sake of that (_____). i mean would you like your husband to get married to another wife for the sake of that reason (let's just say he is)...just a ques...lolllll

the qur'aan even states that it's better to marry one.

PS: plz lets not compare this with the prophet's time, because things were different then.. :oops:



[/u]

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The verse in regards to how many wives...

If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice. 4:3

Lets not take this verse out of context.

:wa:

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:as:

hmmm just something I read came to mind and is now got me all confused about this subject.

I do appologise for going off track a little bit, but if anyone can clarify it would be greatly appreciate.

Considering the verse that was posted above ^^

and this vers below

Ye will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives, however much ye wish (to do so). 4.129

Does this mean that even though a man wishes to be just between his wives he wont be able to so?

so wouldnt this then mean a man should only marry one ? :?

Also actually this is still on topic... cause if someone who is asking has read the Quran they may ask this question :oops:

:wa:

[™Repenter™]

i don't see anything wrong with marry more than 1 wife??, if the prophet :saws: Allowed it, of course it has conditions to fulfill before one marrys another one. Since the woman are increasing and remember some hadiths mean something, so theres always a wisdom behinds the hadiths of the prophet :saws:. But of me i would stick with one Insh'Allah.

[Muslim..Priincess]

i don't see anything wrong with marry more than 1 wife??, if the prophet :saws: Allowed it, of course it has conditions to fulfill before one marrys another one. Since the woman are increasing and remember some hadiths mean something, so theres always a wisdom behinds the hadiths of the prophet :saws:. But of me i would stick with one Insh'Allah.



(i'm speaking generally). it's easer for a guy/man to handle it than a woman. the woman has to oversome so much...
not that i'm saying that it's wrong.

[AbdulQader]

Assalamu Alaykom,

given that most of us have now perhaps put a little thought into this question I wanted to point out the fact that sometimes when u dont know the answer its always better to say " I don't know".

When u start answering without really giving it alot of thought (which is often the case when this question is asked point blank) u begin to dig urself in a hole which sometimes gets very deep u cant get out anymore.

If u dont know the answer, or r unsure, u can perhaps ask the person for their contact (maybe an e-mail address) and tell them u'll ask someone who may know the answer and get back to them once u do. Ur not obliged to give an answer straight away.

Another thing to remember is that u dont always have to directly asnwer the question, find out why theyre asking u the question in the first place, ask them what they think of Muslim men being given the permission to marry 4 wives if they are able to deal with them justly... from there u can formulate a response.

dont try to interpret verses or ahadith if ur incapable of doing so, and I think none of us here are hadith or tafseer scholars. (not that anyone has done this, but it happens when these questions are asked and people start to twist and turn)

More questions to come insha'Allah....

[MrWarraEnib]

good stuff abdul qader i liked this question very much to make us think and let us know we all dont have the answers .. and that is ok... :)

[™Repenter™]

Remember the story of the great scholar, when a man traveled far to ask a question. the scholar said i do not know. and he said i came this far and you are a scholar and you don't no. Subh'Allah.


Ps: i think its imam shafi or imam malik.

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:as:

Great point brother AbdulQader, One thing also that I want to mention is that when you are answering questions to non mulims to not allow your emotions to get involved.. for this can easily turn a general question & answer into a debate or even worse a fight.

WE need to remain patient and understand that for some it may be hard to understand why there are such rulings in Islam.

Great topic !

Keep em coming

:wa:

[AbdulQader]

One thing also that I want to mention is that when you are answering questions to non mulims to not allow your emotions to get involved.. for this can easily turn a general question & answer into a debate or even worse a fight.

WE need to remain patient and understand that for some it may be hard to understand why there are such rulings in Islam.
:wa:

Assalamu Alaukom,

Sister that is an EXCELLENT point, and a very important one. So many times an innocent question turns into a debate or argument because we get emotional and become agressive for no apparent reason, making the questioner want to distance themselves even more from in Islam.

Newton's 3rd law: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction

[Rassila]

Newton's 3rd law: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction

LoL :rolls eyes: Very true!

Indeed, remember Allahu swt advising prophet muhammad pbuh numerous times in the Noble Quran, not to "distress" himself as verily Allah will only guide those who actually struggle, strive and put an effort to want to be guided.

Call mankind to the Way of your Lord with wisdom and sound advice, and reason with them in a well mannered way. Indeed your Lord is well aware of those who have gone astray from His way, and He is well aware of those who are guided. And if you retaliate, let your retaliation be to the extent that you were afflicted, but if you are patient, it will certainly be best for those who are patient; and be patient, yet your patience is only with the help of GOD, and do not sorrow for them, not distress yourself at what they devise. Indeed GOD is with those who are pious, and those who are doers of good > (16:125-127).

wassalam
RaS :thumbsup:

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:as:

I was just FWD this email and thought it would go well with this topic...


In a delightful report about how Imam Abu Hanifah received his name (his original name was Numan bin Thaabit bin Zuta bin Mah), an account of why the wife is forbidden to take more than one husband is recounted. 'Abu Hanifah' is an unusual name because it means 'the father of Hanifah', and Hanifah was his daughter. It was not the custom in those days to do this. Normally, the name would be 'the father of the name of a son.' How this came about is quite edifying.

One day the great Imam Abu Hanifah was asked a question that, for the first time in his illustrious career, he was unable to answer. The question was,"Why were women forbidden to marry more than one husband at a time?"

To make a long story short, Abu Hanifah's daughter said that she knew the answer and would solve this question if her father would make a promise to her that if she succeeded in solving this problem, he would then assure her a place in history. Abu Hanifah agreed.

So she gathered a group of women together and gave each of them a cup. Then she brought in a large bowl of milk and asked each of them to dip their cups in the milk and to fill their cups. They did so. She then asked them to pour back the milk into the bowl. They did this too. She then asked them to re-fill their cups taking back only their own milk that they had poured into the bowl.

This, obviously, was impossible to do. Hanifah had clearly demonstrated the kind of predicament that would be created if a woman had several husbands.

With more than one husband, if she were to become pregnant, she would have exceptional difficulties determining who the actual father was.

Identifying parentage and lineage would then be insurmountable for the offspring. Imam Abu Hanifah was so pleased with her answer that he took the name 'Abu Hanifah', 'the father of Hanifah', so his daughter did indeed earn a place in history.

[Muslim..Priincess]

:shock:
subhanalah such a wise act. i think we should reference this story to any non-muslims asking why women can't have 4 husbands.

[Rassila]

Mashallah, a beautiful hadith. Jazaki allahu kheir sis

But then if a large group of males get a cup fill it with milk then all empty it into a bowl then try re-filling it with their own milk. That would be impossible too?

Oh wait... the milk in this story is a substitue of 'babies' and males CANT get pregnant..duhh :confused:

I wanna see the long story from which this short one came from. If i find it ill post it iA :wink:

wassalam
RaS :b: