View Full Version : how to stop thinking about someone
22-10-08, 12:06 PM
Assalam wa alaikum,
i know its been a while since i last posted on here, i hope everyones eman is strong...
i have a Situation....................... well before i became muslim i was dating this muslim boy, he was my first boyfriend and first for everything.......things were going great untill we broke up, after we broke up i became muslim, he had no idea what was going on and he didnt know that i reverted until i told him..... after i reverted we started talking and hanging out so i thought that things were sweet and goin great...... then all of a sudden he just stopped talking to me...... so i was like thats fine and i kept living life and growing in my religion and faith.... a couple of months later i put the hijab on Alhumduillah..... then rumours started to go around about me people were saying that i put the hijab on for him etc etc...... He never knew that i put the hijab untill someone saw me and told him.......So when i found out that ppl were saying these horrible things i msged him saying that ppl are saying all these things about me etc etc..... also in the message i asked him where i stood in this whole situation like did he want to marry me or not, turns out he doesnt want to marry me..... i was crushed and i started to doubt why i took islam as my faith and way of life......( this all happening in the last week of ramandan)..........So when he sent the text saying that he doesnt not want to marry me i left it at that i deleted his number messages photos everything from my phone..... and i started to move on trying to forget about him..... Anyways i was attracted to this pious religious man, you know i could see myself with him etc etc.... anyway all of a sudden i started to think about my ex and i stopped being attracted to the pious man, and everytime i start feeling attracted to someone.... i automatcilly think of my ex and i will stop being attracted to them etc etc....... i thought of writting a letter to my ex just letting him know how i feel and stuff like that... I feel that the letter is more for me than for him, i Dont want to feel like this anymore if Allah (swt) has not written it for us to be together then i want to stop having feelings towards him, i want to stop getting happy when i seen him or hear is voice. I make Dua i pray i dont know what eles to do. Do i give him the letter or do i just leave it i need help.
i know its long but trust me this is the short version of it
Insha'allah will hear from you very soon
17-11-08, 01:26 PM
Inshallah this finds you in the best health and Iman.
Sister I wouldnt send a letter. Write one, but give it to no one. Once you have written it, read it then tear the letter up and let that be a signal to you that it is over. You dont need to contact him anymore, but you do need to give yourself time to move on after this boy.
At this time in your life you will find yourself being attracted to alot of different boys, but you need to be strong and fight off these feelings and urges to do something about them. These feelings are normal and in themselves not a sin but to act upon them is.
As you know that you have acted upon them in the past, the only thing you should be doing is trying to cut all ties with your x. Do not have any contact with him at all, not via phone or letters.
Remember sis that once you became Muslim that all your sins in the past were forgiven. You have taken the step to change your life and be Muslim and this also includes not having contact with any non mahrams ( people whom you can marry )
You said that the letter was more for you than for him, so why send it ? it is obvious that he is not the one for you. When the time is right "the one" will be sent to you.
Sister there is one method that was mentioned to me some years ago when I found it hard to let go of things... blow up a balloon and Write the name of the boy on a balloon and let it go. This act symblises that you have let that part of your life go. I know again it sounds silly but it works.
It is easier to let go of something that you can visualise. Allah will be there with you and will guide you, all you need to do is to ask Allah for help and guidance.
Know sister you are not alone.
I hope this has been able to help u.
ur sister in Islam
17-11-08, 01:33 PM
Perhaps, chnaging a certain something your life would work. What i mean is, for example, going on a long holiday and living a new life- whereby you completely forget the other person in you life and are able to focus your thoughts on more important things- and keep your feelings for the right brother who comes to ask for you hand inshallah.
This life is just too short to be wasted on thoughts that may virtually cause a pause in your life and not let you move on- in personal development, ibaada etc ..
May Allah give you strength
24-11-08, 08:36 AM
I guess the only real thing you could do is make dua'a to allah to make it easy for you. In regards to the people talking behind your back, they do not realise how allah looks down on those who judge and talk behind peoples back. So just ignore them. it dosen't matter what they think of you, only what allah thinks should matter.
As sister Unpredictable mentioned, break off all ties with him. Time will eventually solve things and you will look back one day saying alhumdullah I moved on.
03-12-08, 10:13 PM
Salam Alkium wa rahmata allah wa baraktooo
Inshallah you are all using your time wisely doing these ten holy days
I just wanted to expand on what my previous brothers and sisters have mentioned... may Allah reward them for their input and advice.
First of all, I wanted to comment in regards to people talking behind your back.... let me share I story I heard from one of the scholars. The story was about a young teenager, his father and camel. Before I start recalling the story, I wanted to point out that this story may be modified a bit then the original story due to memory loss.
Back in the old days as we all know, people used camels and horses as a means of transportation. One day a young teenager and his father set out on a journey to travel from one town to another town. So they packed up the necessary belongings and took with them the camel. Once they set out on the journey the father told his son to sit on the camel and that he will walk. So the son did what his father said and as they were passing through the town. The people of the town started saying look at the poor father, and look at the disrespectful son. He is sitting down on the camel relaxed while his father is suffering walking. Upon hearing this news the young teenager got very upset and told his father that he wanted to walk and that his father can sit on the camel. So his father sat on the camel and the young teenager walked, and as they were passing through another town the same thing happened people started talking but this time they were saying look at the poor son, and look and the selfish father sitting on the camel while his son is suffering walking. Once the father heared the news, he also got very angry and told his son to ride on the camel and his son refused so did the father. So after a polite discussion they agreed that both of them would sit on the camel, so they both sat on the camel and as they were going through another town the people of that town started saying look at the poor camel, both of them are sitting on the camel, no way can they camel handle both of them on it. After a while the news reached them, so they decided that the best thing they will do is for both of them to walk and just drag the camel with them. And as they were going through another town the people of that town started saying if none of them arenít going to ride on the camel whatís the use of dragging the camel with them. THE END!!!
Hope you all enjoyed reading the short story... the message/moral of the story is that no matter what we do in life.... people will talk... so even if we start doing what people say.... there will be other people around who will still talk and even if we do what these people wanted too... other people will start to talk.... in essence we can conclude that people are going talk regardless of what we do.... I know it may be hard but slowly we should zip out what peopleís talk.... and try and only do what Allah pleases.
On a further note, I would like to add one more story that may came in good use to the sister who is having difficulties forgetting about the person she wanted to marry. My dear sister, each time you remember that person think of the following story.... the story of Umm salama... Umm Salama was first married to Abdallah ibn Abdul Asad (Abu salama). Umm Salama loved Abu salama soo much that one day Abu salama passed away because of wounds from the battle of Uhud... what do you think Umm salama did?
Umm salama upon the death of abu salama started recalling what her husband had told her while she was looking after him in his last days before death; she repeated the dua'a that he had remembered: "Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un!" "Surely we come from Allah and surely to Him we return!" she repeated. "O Lord, reward me for my affliction and give me something better than it in return, which only You, the Exalted and Mighty, can give." Then she thought to herself, "What Muslim is better than Abu Salama whose family was the first to emigrate to the Messenger of Allah?" All the Muslims in Medina were aware of Umm Salama's situation, and when her idda period of four months and ten days were over, Abu Bakr proposed marriage to her, but she refused. Then Umar asked her to marry him, but again she refused. Then the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) himself asked for her hand in marriage. "O Messenger of Allah," Umm Salama replied, "I have three main characteristics: I am a woman who is extremely jealous and I am afraid that you will see something in me that will make you angry and cause Allah to punish me; I am a woman who is already advanced in age; and I am a woman who has many children."
"As for your jealousy," answered the Prophet, "I pray to Allah the Almighty to take it away from you. As for your age, I am older than you. As for your many children, they belong to Allah and His Messenger."
The Prophet's answered eased her heart, and so they were married in Shawwal, 4 AH, and so it was that Allah answered the prayer of Umm Salama and gave her better than Abu Salama. From that day on, Umm Salama was not only the mother of Salama, but also became the 'Mother of the Believers' 'Umm al Muminin'.
Out of this we must learn a lesson that we should remember Allah SWT in calamities, and from this story we can see how Allah SWT rewards those who remember him in such calamities. My dear sister, Allah is with you, as long as you are with him and are consistently making du3a. And inshallah he will reward you with someone who is better than that person just as he rewarded Umm salama.
Other stories that ring bells in these holy days that we are living in, is the story of prophet Ibrahim with his son Ism3al and how he was going to sacrifice his son for Allah SWTís sake. So my dear sister and my dear readers it is hard to lose a loved one or one that means a lot to us, but remember that Allah places his beloved servants in diffcult situation and calamities to test them and to strength their iman so inshallah we should use this time to come close to Allah and ask him for his help and support. And inshallah You will be elevate us in ranks and enter us into the firdaus...Ameen!
May Allah be with you all.../smile
05-12-08, 11:14 AM
Jazak allahu kheiran
Interesting stories youve drawn upon. subhan allah /wink
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