marriage [Archive] - Sydney Muslim Youth Forums

imteaz

15-06-05, 11:25 PM

Salam, i am a year 12 student doing the hsc and Insha-Allah i will do well.

Currently i go to an all boys school, and interaction with females is very low. However, next year, if Allah (swt) wills, i want to do Law at sydney uni. yet this would mean me being placed in a co-educational environment, as much i dont want this it just has to be. i have talked about this with my parents and all they have said is to get over it, yet i seriously think i will have problems. and i say this because i am having problems at the moment, in relation to lowering my gaze and so on, but the other thing is, (and i know im going to sound narcissistic when i say this) but in a lot of ways people are attracted to me probably becuase of my social nature.

i have asked my parents to get me married as soon as the hsc is over, yet they refuse this as it would mean 'no suitable families would let their daughter go to a person who does not hold a university degree'. i am really in a bad state becuase of this and i'm losing my patience. i'm really not sure how to handle the situation from here, do i tell my parents to marry me off or i'll go do it myself? or do i wait another 5-6 years to go insane?

Tahira

16-06-05, 01:01 AM

salamu'alaykum,

bro sayf, my initial reaction was the same, i thought he was a sis but hez a bro.

bro imteaz, this did interest me and i'm sure i have lots to say Alhamdulillah, which surely you will be left with something to walk up on insha Allah.

However, next year, if Allah (swt) wills, i want to do Law at sydney uni. yet this would mean me being placed in a co-educational environment, as much i dont want this it just has to be.

[b]bro, the whole test from Allah is that he places is in difficulties for example, mixed with males and females. therefore, Allah makes it hard for us in order to test how strong our faith is in Allah and how we use our strength. just like we struggle in our everyday lives bro it is part of our jihad. now, you do not want to be placed in a co-educational environment since you feel it will be harder for you. but we want alot in life, we cannot always have it, but Allah tests those He loves. He puts them through many hardship to see how they walk over it. let's say if males and females were never mixed, wouldn't this be easier for us? of course it would be. but that isn't the way it is today and the reason being is that we have to face difficulties in order to be tested from Allah (swt), and then to gain his rewards.

i have talked about this with my parents and all they have said is to get over it, yet i seriously think i will have problems. and i say this because i am having problems at the moment, in relation to lowering my gaze and so on, but the other thing is, (and i know im going to sound narcissistic when i say this) but in a lot of ways people are attracted to me probably becuase of my social nature.

if you think that you're will have problems later on, because you're having problems at the moment, that is a big problem because if you cannot lower your gaze at the moment it can't work later as so you feel you will not be able to later on in life. i see your point bro but let's take this further.

a man's eyes are the most important thing for them which determines how they fight the shaytan in this way. and bro, if you cannot lower your gaze, it is not only a problem for you in this life but a problem which will affect you in your next life when Allah will tell you and remind you where your eyes laid. forget about this being a problem for you later on, think about how it will affect you sin-wise. i hope you see where i'm coming from. no matter how many times you pray, how many times you do good deeds, they are all wiped away when you sin in any other ways. you have got to keep your Iman strong and be patient for Allah, that is the only way your problems can be solved.

and bro, attraction, it's part of our nature and increased from the shaytan. but remember, you got to fight him or else there is no room for you to be complaining if you are allowing the shaytan to overcome you.

i have asked my parents to get me married as soon as the hsc is over, yet they refuse this as it would mean 'no suitable families would let their daughter go to a person who does not hold a university degree'. i am really in a bad state becuase of this and i'm losing my patience. i'm really not sure how to handle the situation from here, do i tell my parents to marry me off or i'll go do it myself? or do i wait another 5-6 years to go insane?

i cannot say much about how you can convince your parents to get you married. but remember, this is all happening to you because Allah is testing you and your faith. to see, if you will let shaytan overcome you or if you will fight him? start from scratch, ensure you aren't doing anything wrong first then go on thinking about how it will affect your future as you need to hold Islam with you wherever you go in life. if you think it will be harder for you then, that is only because you are making it harder for yourself by not lowering your gaze. you need to lower your gaze, then this problem will not be taken with you later on in life.

bro, if i have said anything which doesn't suit your problem then please let me know as i only wrote what i thought suited your quote. and, i apologise if i did say anything which was alien to your quote, it maybe that i misunderstood, but if i did then may Allah forgive me Ameen, as my only intention was to help you as it is the duty of every Muslim.

may Allah help us and guide us Ameen. and help you, Ameen