i am in love with a muslim man
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  1. #1
    confused girl Guest

    Default i am in love with a muslim man

    i really need some advice on this stiuation...

    i met a guy around 3 months ago and have been talking to him on the phone every day ever since, i only saw him for 3 days when we first met and i just got back form a week long holiday to his state to visit him...

    he is a muslim and i was brought up in a christian household, although i do not attend church, i have in my past..

    also he is 24 and half lebaneese quarter turkish and quater serbian...i am 20 and half english, quater canadian and quater russian...

    i am falling in love with this man and do not know what to do..he says we cannot be boyfriend and girlfriend as his perants would never accept me..and he wants someone who will share his belifs and religon to marry...

    so i am very confused, i have started researching islam on the internet and have really liked what i have read...one reason i like him so much is just the way he treats me and acts towards me i have never had a man treat me this way (opening car door, dinner etc)

    i loved the things i have read about muslim marriages.. my mother is mentally ill and my dad has had control of her affairs since she was say 25?? he has worked his whole life to support her and our family...i even find it hard to make big decicions about money for myself as i wish i had someone to gide me and help me with it after all thats the way it was in my household as a child...

    is this crazy for me to think that we could even work out?? do you think he is just telling me that we cannot be together etc because he knows iim not the one he wants to marry??(i am not good enougth for him??) because if he liked me enough religion wouldnt matter??

    he says his perants are really stirict but i wonder if he uses that as an excuse becasue he knows he doesnt want to marry me..and if the right girl came along it wouldnt matter what religion she was?

    we have had sex so does that mean that i could never been the one because i was just someone to use while waiting for his perfect muslim bride??

    im sorry if this story is hard to understand but as i said i am really confused!!!

    also i think i may want to become a muslim is this bad?? i feel like people would reject me because i was not born muslim?

    also i get asked alot if i am italian or greek so im not some red haired freckeled aussie....

    thanks to anyone who can help me...

    :)

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    55

    Default

    Dear Friend,

    First of all im happy that u have had the strength to say wats on ur mind!!

    im happy that u have been guided by Allah(swt) to embrace islam, a way of life...

    b4 i say anything else i would first like to say that even if the relationship doesnt work out please still look in2 islam and hopefully u will see its beauty ...and love the one and only creator who has no partner...please dont think that because this muslim man breaks (or unbreaks ur heart ) that all muslim men do this....

    ok now... i think he is lying about caring about u coz he had sex with u then says he is a good muslim...he is contridicting what he said bout his life...if he was then he would have keep himself a virgin 4 his virgin wife....it doesnt matter what religion u are a muslim man can still care 4 u and love u...

    i think u should let him no what your feeling and tell him that u want to be serious...if he backs off his just a player...if he decides to introduce u to his family then his accepting u....my brother is in love with a christian girl...he became serious about her and my parents no everything about it and she comes over and has dinner and everything...

    it hurts to think sumone who treated u so well...loving u and caring 4 u...could break ur heart...but then again u got to work this out urself...if he loves u and is a true muslim he will respect to and treat u well not like a hoar...

    deciding to have sum direction in ur life is great to hear as we all feel lost in many situations in life we face...enter islam with the heart full of faith and not becoz some man loves u...

    please take ur time is looking at the situation...

    why i answered this question is becoz ive no these ype of men all my life...my cousin are like that until now...

    so becareful sista in what u choose to do and dont let one mans action effect ur heart becoz his probably not worth it...

    just think about this...if he really cared 4 u he would have ask 4 ur hand in marriage...do u think he would want sum man doing this to his sista or cousin?? he would say to his sista if he was a good muslim man he would come and ask for ur hand in marriage and give respect to ur parents


    salamz
    God Almight Forgives the greatest Sins...Why shoulnt we?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
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    Default

    Salamz!! :D

    sorry i just did tell you that....what i wrote is my opinion and others will have many be the same or even completely different...BUT you are the only one that can decide what to do...

    About people not accepting you because your not born muslim should not even cross your mind!! Why? Well in life some people wont accept you and others will...if you decide to embrace islam you only need to be accepted by Allah(swt) and surely he will accept you!!

    If the people in islam did not accept you then they are ignorant and Allah(swt) is All-Hearning, All-Knowing....

    Sista, make a prayer to Allah(swt) in your heart and ask him to guide you, surely he is All-Hearing and All-Knowing that you are sincere in your prayer and that you intend to enter islam and put your trust in him...

    its true what u said about if a man loves a women it wouldnt matter what religion she was...but if a non-muslim is to marry a muslim then she/he must convert...if the man ur talking about is serious about you enough to want to get married then he would take you to his parents...his parents may be strict but they will be understanding if they son is in love...its hard at first...you dont know what to do or say even the parents will feel the same...but they will soon see their son happy with his new bride...


    oh yeh...their is not perfect muslim bride...i want to make clear that belief is in the heart...a person could say they are muslim or christian or jewish but in their hearts they dont really believe or they really do beleive...so i'll end this by saying that in my opinion you should work out if the relationship is going anywhere then decide whether to embrace islam...

    please if you who have any quesions about islam as the sheik in the other fourm or you could go see one at a mosque....or ask the many on this website surely they are all willing to help....

    Salamz :P
    God Almight Forgives the greatest Sins...Why shoulnt we?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
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    grrrrrrrrr... kufar land!
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    Default

    peace to all
    may allah reward u sis beliver for ur info and help
    okay sis
    after i read ur story i am happy to hear that u are interested in islam like every muslim will
    but what i was dissappointed to hear was that this man goes out with u and has sex with u and calls himself a muslim this is not ISLAM
    may allah guide us all
    i iunderstand you are a non muslim so you maybe dont know these rules but a muslim sholudnt do such things that is called being a MUSLIM by the name but not pratising. sis if u are thinking to embrace islam the first thing i will advise u to do is to break ur relation with this man
    sis if u want to enter islam so he can accept u i dont think it is right sis he is using u to play with and i myself dont put him inthe catgory of a muslim may allah guide him and us all
    sis who is seeking knowledge if u break ur relation with him it is better for u and learn about islam for the sake of allah and sis i am so ready to help sis may allah guide u ,may allah guide u
    sis u can PM me and i will help and sis der are lots of muslim men and i mean real not by the name that will treat u so well because in the quran our book we are to be treated well and taken care of well if u look in to the life of our beloved prophet muhamed (may allahs peace be upon him) and the way he treated his wifes that is the way islam is .

    sister seeker of knowledge, my advise is to ur relationship with this man if u want to revert to islam sincerly and for ur sake and allahs sake not for him to accept u he is playing with u
    may allah guide us all

    waiting to hear from u sister
    ready to help
    and peace to all
    THAT I AM KILLED ON THE BATTLE FIELD OF JIHAD SO THAT I CAN BE RAISED WITH THE PROPHETS AND RIGHTOUES PPL AMEEEEEN

  5. #5
    Satans-Angel Guest

    Default

    Speak to his parents or tell ur dad to talk with his dad !! :P

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    79

    Default Nice of You.

    Assalaamu Alaikom

    Brothers and sisters, please be patient and do not get carried away. I'm afraid you're making too many decisions and assumptions with so little knowledge. There is much more to the story to start making judgements at this stage. You must work with the information you are given for now and take it from there.

    Confused Girl, may Allah show you the truth so that you become steadfast and sure of every step you take. You have one situation on your hands here. You need not become confused, the truth is out there and you will find it in sha Allah, unless it finds you first! I'm intruiged by your ability to express a smile after all this.

    You have to realise may Allah guide you that you are flustered by more than one situation and each needs a substantial amount of thinking. You're search of the truth is one and the second is your relationship with this young Muslim. In your mind, you have to seperate the two and things will become a little easier.

    Your search for the truth and looking into Islam is one blessed thing. However, your falling in love with an individual who happens to be Muslim is something else. You seemed to have intertwined the two dearest sister.

    About the first issue.

    It is from the mercy of Allah that you find yourself searching for the truth and indeed looking into Islam. I trust that you need not look anywhere else. You owe so much to this brother of which he has no idea that Allah made him the reason for your journey, despite his apparant credentials. So glad tidings to you and may your journey be swift.

    This is the best decision you have made and in sha Allah in due time you will understand this. Your decision to continue to look into Islam is something you have to do for yourself to make it worth all it's got. Regardless of the possible consequence of becoming a Muslim (possibly being married to this brother whom you love) becoming a Muslim is something you should do for yourself. It may not be easy but ultimately it must be for salvation and your records with Allah.

    If you do, I send you glad tidings and much internal happiness. Be optimistic about the mercy of Allah as you find all your sins forgiven and changed into good deeds. Be glad that you shall become as a new born is, free from sin and a fresh, new believer who has submitted to the Lord of the Universe as has done the rest of the creation. Enjoy a blessed life, a sweat death and an abode on the day of judgement worth nothing you have ever encountered, smelt, felt, heard or seen in this world, like nothing you have and ever will experience.

    With this awaiting you, Allah smiling down on you and your position is Jannah waiting for you - what does it matter what others think? You need the moral support yes and don't worry about that - one person may not accept you but 10 people will - and I'm the first.

    Having said that, with this first point you need some direct attention and care. I recommend you speak to our trusted brothers and sisters from ANMA and it will be a pleasure for them to help. Find them at www.anma.com.au or call them on 0410 779 299. If you are in Sydney and wish to visit them personally, you can find them at 69 Croydon Street in Lakemba. It is important that you speak to someone like that about being a Muslim. They are an organisation dedicated to looking after new Muslims and individuals who have not yet completed their journey.

    Now to the second Issue.

    This is where the scene changes from Islamic Counselling to Marriage Counselling.

    To be quite honest and to offer you the sincere advice I may say a few things that may not be favourable but after all, I am outspoken.

    You have to realise sister that 3 months is not exactly a long time to know someone. Yes, you have been speaking to him for 3 months but thats only on the phone. I can tell you, phone conversations compared to real life relationships is like holding a candle to the sun. It's simply not enough dearest sister.

    It seems to me this young man is in a bit of a knot himself. He says that his parents would not approve of girlfriend/boyfriend relationships but he has already slept with you. That's an abhorrent contradiction.

    He says that he wants someone from his culture and belief which suggests a somewhat noble mentality but to treat you the way he has makes it lose credibility. Whether you are his culture or not, or not yet a Muslim or not that is not en excuse to break his religion sanctions, the sanctions of Allah and sleep with you. A Muslim is a Muslim with or without another Muslim.

    However, we ask Allah for forgiveness for this young man and we do not kick him out of the religion just like that. Allah is more merciful than that. The religion is perfect but the human is not. He needs to repent a sincere repentence to Allah for his atrocious behaviour and ask Allah to save us from falling into is ourselves as we are humans just the same. This applies to him and to all of us - it does not make us better that the people do not KNOW of our sins...

    I must say with regards to parents, they can be very strict on matters of culture. Even the most religious sometimes simply cannot tolerate their children marrying other cultures so what this young man is saying is true.

    However, this hasn't stopped him from having an elicit relationship with you. This is all we can stay at this stage about this young man and we cannot then judge whether he is honest about that being his reason.

    I just feel from your outpoor that you are sincere and honest in your feelings about everything. It is from your young tender heart that you have attached yourself to this young Muslim and find yourself where you are now. I just don't see that he shares your qualities.

    To sleep with you with no apparant intention for commitment leaves alot to be desired. It sends a shiver down my spine. To show you so much and then tell you one or two or three reasons why you can't be together does not ad up.

    Muslim or no Muslim, he needs to sort himself out and know how to treat people. He is in desperate need of Allah's mercy and needs to repent right now.

    It seems that maybe he is the one who is confused. Having said that, you as a woman cannot afford to be with someone who is confused. You need a man. Someone who is on his feet and knows what he wants. He should be running at the opportunity of bringing you into Islam. You need someone with their head screwed on right. If it's only a matter of culture, no culture is better than the other in Islam except in piety and he should make this known to his parents - who knows, maybe when you become a Muslim you will be better in the sight of Allah than both his parents put together? Is it not possible? Considering your background and what you may have had to go through in your past, you need someone to make it all better and take care of you. I don't feel that you are looking at such a responsible person right now. Perhaps he needs more time, if at all.

    Then again, there is a lot of pieces of the puzzle missing. More information is required to give the best advice and all this is an attempt to understand the reality of the situation.

    Remember that we care for you and we thank you for reaching out to us. We hope it does not go in vain.

    Thanks again and in sha Allah this essay helps. It all comes from concern.
    "...indeed in the remembrance of Allah do the hearts find tranquility..."

  7. #7
    stephanie AKA amina Guest

    Default Re: i am in love with a muslim man

    Quote Originally Posted by confused girl
    i really need some advice on this stiuation...

    i met a guy around 3 months ago and have been talking to him on the phone every day ever since, i only saw him for 3 days when we first met and i just got back form a week long holiday to his state to visit him...

    he is a muslim and i was brought up in a christian household, although i do not attend church, i have in my past..

    also he is 24 and half lebaneese quarter turkish and quater serbian...i am 20 and half english, quater canadian and quater russian...

    i am falling in love with this man and do not know what to do..he says we cannot be boyfriend and girlfriend as his perants would never accept me..and he wants someone who will share his belifs and religon to marry...

    so i am very confused, i have started researching islam on the internet and have really liked what i have read...one reason i like him so much is just the way he treats me and acts towards me i have never had a man treat me this way (opening car door, dinner etc)

    i loved the things i have read about muslim marriages.. my mother is mentally ill and my dad has had control of her affairs since she was say 25?? he has worked his whole life to support her and our family...i even find it hard to make big decicions about money for myself as i wish i had someone to gide me and help me with it after all thats the way it was in my household as a child...

    is this crazy for me to think that we could even work out?? do you think he is just telling me that we cannot be together etc because he knows iim not the one he wants to marry??(i am not good enougth for him??) because if he liked me enough religion wouldnt matter??

    he says his perants are really stirict but i wonder if he uses that as an excuse becasue he knows he doesnt want to marry me..and if the right girl came along it wouldnt matter what religion she was?

    we have had sex so does that mean that i could never been the one because i was just someone to use while waiting for his perfect muslim bride??

    im sorry if this story is hard to understand but as i said i am really confused!!!

    also i think i may want to become a muslim is this bad?? i feel like people would reject me because i was not born muslim?

    also i get asked alot if i am italian or greek so im not some red haired freckeled aussie....

    thanks to anyone who can help me...

    :)
    hello...i understand where you are coming from...i fell in love with a muslim man and i wasnt muslim and he wanted to marry me but his family didnt want me too because i wasnt Muslim...but after i did some research on Islam (just like you) i started to like what i found...i became Muslim for myself not for my boyfriend...and then we got married and now i am a fully practicing muslim!!
    you can become muslim...dont think ppl wont respect you just because you werent born muslim...actually i find ppl restpect you more if u have become muslim...belive it or not! i am a white skinned, blue eyed, brunnet and ppl dont care if u have become muslim or u born muslim!!
    i hope this is of help to you...sorry for the delay in reply!! :oops:

  8. #8
    Unregistered Guest

    Default confused

    I am in love with a muslim man and its complicated with my friends and family, its something i feel in my heart that i want to be with this man, i could use advice.

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